The question arises with unsurprising frequency: “Why do we self-sabotage?”
Because comfort. It is, I think, as simple as that.
When you’re used to things being a certain way, it can be unsettling to face a shift in circumstances. To allow your circumstances to change means to face the likelihood that every tool you developed to survive before may also need to undergo a transformation, lest it become obsolete. The possible applications are limitless–from trying to lose weight to reducing conflict in personal relationships; from quieting an anxious mind to a well-deserved promotion at work. When you’re used to chaos, peace is deafening.
I face my own tentative transition. I learned to “settle” long ago. There are brief spells where I think, I can do better than this, and they serve as an impetus to keep working toward what it is I hope to achieve. These are interspersed between much longer periods of rather placid acceptance. If it is meant to be, it will be. Indeed, it is sometimes difficult to sustain motivation in the face of repeated setbacks. Rather like wave-boarding (one of the few pseudo-athletic activities that I truly think I could do uninterrupted for hours with sheer joy), I keep looking for a wave toward which to direct my energy. The ideal wave need not be perfect, and it does not even need to reach the shore; I simply ask that it carry me a satisfying distance through the ocean waters.