Really though, where to begin? Well, let’s start with a check-in. I just graduated again, this time with my master’s degree. (Spoiler alert: It has nothing to do with my bachelor’s degree.) I am using one of my three precious child-free days between graduation and my daughter’s winter break to research the most advantageous way to tap into the world of writing. Admittedly, that’s partly because World of Warcraft servers are down for maintenance all day, but I digress. I have not received my license yet, so I am taking the next few weeks as a much needed break. I graduated four days ago and have been struggling with depression for about half of that time. Thoughts like “It’s all on me now” and “How will I pay the bills?” cross my mind with unsettling regularity. We also can’t really afford to take a proper vacation (and it’s a bit too cold to go anywhere worthwhile anyway).
Glib earlier comments about my daughter aside, I am looking forward to getting time with her. I have deeply missed being a mother, these past three years. (I was of course here and doing mother things, just not nearly as much as I wanted to be doing. I’m kind of figuring out how to be a mom, all over again.) She’s got me busy crocheting a stuffed Ivysaur for her, and we’re looking forward to celebrating the solstice this weekend. (Do I smell a new blog post topic? I do, I really do!) She’ll probably spend most of her nights sleeping on a futon in our room; a special treat reserved for weekends and long breaks. Lately, her social and creative development has been insane. She’ll ask to watch a movie or play the occasional computer/video game, but more often than not she falls into elaborative story play or effortless artistic endeavors. I am delighted to predict that her musical streak will absolutely rival and surpass mine.
I am also looking forward to a chance to reconnect with my partner, my husband, mi vida. He has put so much on hold for the past three years, and gone through two of the hardest losses a person can endure. He deserves a break as much as me, if not more so! I do sometimes wonder if this is what it is like to rediscover one’s partner after all the children have grown up and moved out. Who is he? What does he think about in the dark hours of the night? What secret hopes has he denied himself over these long years? What role do I have in supporting him now, as he has supported me? When can we start having sex again? (lol)
Professionally, I am trying to figure out where to go next. I will be staying on at the practice where I completed my internship. When renewing one of my professional memberships, I also applied to become a mentee in a mentorship program that offers guidance on how to do advocacy work. I have so much I want to do, and so little idea of how to do any of it. In a way, I am still trying to put what I want to do into words. I get in my own way with that sometimes by telling myself that it’s too much, that such work is not for someone as impotent as me to do. (Anxiety, is that you? We’ve talked about this…) One thing I feel strongly called to do is to write, but beyond a technical writing course in undergrad, I’ve had little training. Academically my writing has been strong enough to pull gratifying marks and the (not uncommon) honor of being used as an example for future classes, but the real world of writing is an entirely different animal. I know nothing. My process thus far, should anyone else find it to be helpful, has looked something like this:
- Solicit input from my mother
- Begin writing down every writing idea that pops into my head
- Fastidiously squash any strong aspirations as I begin to flesh a few ideas out with research and very rough drafts
- Start verbalizing my desire to write to peers and colleagues (this one is important, as each person who took me seriously gave me permission to take myself seriously)
- Investigate pathways to publication in journals and other academic venues
- Browse job sites for anything to do with writing, editing, proofreading, etc.
- Agonize a bit
- Solicit further input from my writer friends (H & L, I’m looking at you–thank you!)
- Give up for a bit
- Force myself to start writing again, anything
- Research pros and cons of book vs. blog
- Compare various blog hosting websites
- Solicit input from my partner (and eventually, help in setting up this very blog)
- Continue writing
It’s that easy!